It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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