I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
wow bdsm is so cute
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