I faked an abortion last night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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