I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
