That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
