How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
