Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
