I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
