Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
