He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
