somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Randomize
