but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize