i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
