i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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