he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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