sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
