Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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