Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
