I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize