Small penises have feelings too.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
