im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
