guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
