I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
