I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it glows. i had to have it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
