dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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