The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
