I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
