Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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