there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
