we're chasing vodka with high fives
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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