There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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