DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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