he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
