Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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