But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I pour the whiskey from now on
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize