You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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