Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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