I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
