I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
