i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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