currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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