omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
