me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
