6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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