and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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