Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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