matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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