I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
