Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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