I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
