i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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