I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
