"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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