how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My vagina is very pro this idea
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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