in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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