I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
