they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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