just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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