If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
so much tequila, so little girl.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
