I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
