I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
