what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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