if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
