Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
