it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
