Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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