Sacagawea was the original milf.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
