Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
