Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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