I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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