im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
