my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
