Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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