you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
