Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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